Okay, this is basically an experiment to see if it actually works or not, but I decided to post my shortish crack fic involving the MI characters and a mall. If the results are good, I'll post more stuff.

Okay, I don't own it anymore than you do, and remember that this was all written pre-CoG!


[color=darkblue]Okay, so it could be worse, Clary thought as she watched the troublesome trio ransacking the racks at the Hot Topic store. At least they haven’t tried to pin the sales guy to the wall and accuse him of being a demon. Yet.

“What are these for?” she heard Alec asking Jace, gesturing at the piercing cases. He was looking at the metal bars in undisguised fascination. Jace shrugged and looked in closer. She walked away before they started talking about all the ways they could use the studs and pieces in interrogations or something.

Isabelle was, predictably, in the lingerie section. She looked over as Clary walked up, delight in her black eyes. She’d probably never seen so many slutty clothes in one place before; it was her dream store. Clary instantly felt bad for thinking it.

“Ooh, Clary you should really think about getting some of this for yourself.” Isabelle pulled a miniscule green and black striped bra off the rack. “This,” she said, brandishing the horribly padded thing at Clary, “would look fabulous on you.”

Clary backed away quickly, almost knocking a mannequin over in the process. She righted it, flushing a deep red when she caught sight of what it was wearing. A black teddy with marabou feathers at the bodice, thigh-high black stiletto boots and a mini whip completed the Mistress-Mandy-fetish outfit.

Isabelle’s chortling brought the others over, making Clary’s mortification complete. Jace took in the scene with his usual cynicism, surprisingly making no comments. It was Alec who decided to smart off.

“Wow, Clary. Never knew you swung that way.” He pointed to where her hands still rested on the mannequin’s chest and thigh.

“Shut up Alec.” she fumed, pulling her hand off the plastic boob. He laughed, easily dodging her swatting and kicking. Clary gave up and wandered over to the CD section of the store where Simon was flipping through the old records they sold.

“You do know vinyl is dead, right? I mean, dead. Never coming back.” she teased.

“One day humanity will realize its mistake, and I will be ready. ‘Highway to Hell’ record in hand.” Simon put the disc back in the caddy and turned to look at her. Clary found herself wondering yet again how he could look so normal, like this was only one of many such trips they’d made before her homicidal genetic-in-laws appeared.

As if on cue, from across the store there was a gigantic crash, followed by several smaller crashes. Clary winced at the sound of shattering glass then a wall of noxious perfume smells hit them. She and Simon gagged as Alec’s voice rang clearly through the store. “Sorry!”

“Don’t apologize to me,” she called back. “Apologize to the nice man who has to clean it up.” Simon snickered at her ‘mom’ voice. “Whose brilliant idea was this again?” she asked.

“Clary!” Alec was calling again. “He’s making me clean it up! He works here!” Clary walked over and found Alec standing toe-to-toe with a typical-skater-punk-vampire-wannabe. He had pointed enamel caps for god’s sake. Clary stifled a grin and touched Alec’s arm until he turned to look at her.

“Maybe he’ll do it if you ask nicely.” She smiled cajolingly at the boy who was staring… Straight at Alec’s butt. Great. Silently thanking whoever was up there that Magnus wasn’t with them, Clary lowered her voice for Alec only. “Okay, don’t react, but he’s drooling over your ass.” Alec stiffened. “Just flirt a little, and we can get out of this.”

Alec nodded, turning back to the boy. He gave him a dazzling smile and spoke coaxingly. “Are you sure there’s nothing you can do about this?” He gestured at the mess. “I mean, I would do it, but I’m late,” Alec shrugged delicately. For the coup-de-gras, Alec touched the boy’s arm lightly.

The boy nodded, looking anywhere but at Alec. “Yeah, okay.” he mumbled. Clary thought that he looked like he’d been smacked over the head with a two-by-four. Alec might not know it, but he was just as good at using his looks to manipulate people as Isabelle. They walked away quickly before the boy realized what had happened, ready to round up the others and get out of there.

“You were too good at that. Scary good.” Clary said. Alec flushed a bit.

“Magnus taught me. I mean, I watched him and imitated. It wasn’t like a class or anything.” Alec looked uncomfortable so Clary let it drop. They found the others and watched them pay obscene amounts for truly obscene, in Isabelle’s case anyway, things. Clary had known Alec and Isabelle were loaded, but da-amn.

They were half-way down the mall when Clary stopped like she’d been electrocuted. She felt the others stumble into her but didn’t care. Her whole world had dissolved into one need and one need only: Cookies. She changed direction, leading them all into the brightly lit yellow shop.

“Cookies?” she heard Jace ask. “What’s so special about cookies?”

“Blondie’s Cookies, o annoying one.” Simon’s voice was full of longing as he looked at the cookies in the display. “God I miss food. Living on blood sucks.”

Clary hardly noticed as she ordered six cookies from the startled clerk and led her under-privileged bunch to a bench. She handed out cookies to the dubious Shadowhunters before biting into her’s with a moan of pleasure. The soft chewiness with its notes of vanilla melting on her tongue. Nothing like it. She could hear the others exclaiming and talking over each other.

“Like ‘em?” she asked, chewing while she talked. Jace and Isabelle nodded, mouths too full to speak, but Alec was staring at the cookie with an odd look on his face. “What’s wrong?” Clary couldn’t help asking him. “Don’t you like it?”

“Like it?” His voice was peculiar too. Even Jace and Isabelle were listening now. “It’s–It’s better than sex!” Jace choked on his cookie. Alec went on like he didn’t notice. “And sex is great, so if a cookie’s better, then that just makes me wonder, ya know? Maybe Magnus was a lousy lay? You think?”

“I’m a WHAT?” Magnus’s voice rang through the sitting area. Alec closed his eyes, mumbling what was most likely a curse under his breath. Magnus strode over to them, glaring at Alec.

“Hey.” Seeing the glare, Alec smiled pleadingly. “I, um, didn’t really mean it. I was just hungry.”

“I demand to try the cookie that’s a better lay than me.” Magnus ripped it the offending confection out of Alec’s hand and took a bite. His face froze mid-chew. “Oh, God.”

“Told ya.” Alec smirked, taking the cookie back. Magnus sighed in defeat.

“You’re right. It is better than sex, and I’ve had a lot of sex in my life.”

Clary fought to control her laughter as Jace turned purple from the effort of breathing around the lump of cookie in his trachea. Alec was eating again, alternately sharing the cookie with Magnus and not paying attention to them. Isabelle and Simon were fighting while he tried to get her to let him at least smell the cookie. Nobody noticed Clary reaching over, brushing crumbs from Jace’s jacket, or their eyes locking as Clary’s breath hitched in her lungs.

They didn’t, however, miss the way Jace and Clary’s lips came together naturally, in a melding sweeter even than the cookies. Simon thought they should break in, Alec thought they should stop it before it got worse, Isabelle thought they should just gag and Magnus just wanted to get on with life, but none of them could bring themselves to stop the two.

Clary broke the kiss, pulling away with a look of horrified knowledge on her face. Jace opened his eyes slowly, trying to hold onto the feel and taste a while longer. She couldn’t believe they’d kissed for the second time since Valentine’s little revelation. It wasn’t predictable, this spark between them, so it wasn’t exactly Clary’s fault that she couldn’t control it. Right? And as Jace leaned in, she knew they’d do it again, in front of everyone, in front of God, and no one would do a damn thing to stop them. Life was good.
/color]

Merci!

Funny ^^!! That must be some mother funking awesome cookie, I mean, better than sex with magnus?!?!?!
And I think rly like flirty alec! experiment status: successful

I less than three you Miki! Thanks sooooooo much!

I WANT MOREEEE !!!!! it was hilarious